Naughty Bear Review

The developers of Naughty Bear probably thought that they had hit on a great idea for a game, and, in fact, they kind of did.  The idea of a miscreant of a teddy bear exacting revenge on his fellow teddies through violent and deadly means could make for a good game.  It's just that Naughty Bear is not that game.  In fact, it's a pretty bad game, and should itself be bludgeoned by a golf club wielding teddy bear.

You play the game as the titular bear, who with a name like "Naughty" seemed destined from birth to do bad things.  As the game opens, the bears of Perfection Island are preparing for a birthday party for one of their own, although they have intentionally failed to invite Naughty.  Apparently an eternal optimist, albeit a homicidal one, Naughty gets a gift and makes his way to the party.  Unfortunately for him, and soon for all the other bears of the island, Naughty is turned away from the party by the cruel laughter of the other bears.  Time for Naughty to deal with humiliation in the only rational way to do so, which is of course to kill them all.

The birthday party revenge level plays out pretty much like every other level in the game.  You move around a small village on a small island killing the other bears, and once they're all dead a bridge is opened and you can leave the level.  But the other levels share more than that with each other - you'll see the same huts, same objects, and same forest in every single level.  Things are sort of moved around a bit between the levels in a lazy sort of way, but there hasn't been this much repetition in level design since the Atari 2600 days.  There are Xbox Live Indie Arcade games with far more intricate levels than this full-priced copy and paste job.

Anyway, in an attempt to keep things from being repetitive, a failed attempt I might add, the game has a system of "naughty points" that are supposed to reward you for torturing the bears a bit before you kill them.  You can hobble them and then let them limp away and cause fear to build in the other bears, sabotage their means of escape or calling for help, or just stab them a couple of times and then start screaming at them.  Using a variety of weapons, scaring the bears so much that they kill themselves, and beating them to the point you can administer a coup-de-grace fatality all work to increase your multiplier and score for the level, as does smashing the same small set of objects over and over again.  So just in case a level didn't bore you enough the first time through, you can go through it again to score more points. 

For a game so focused on killing, the killing in the game is very basic button mashing, although to its credit the game tries to make things interesting by throwing in poor hit detection, clunky controls, and terrible camera control.  Your actions will often result in police, army, and ninja bears coming to the island to stop your rampage, but they're rather ineffective and unchallenging foes - although I guess that it's to be expected that the army of a teddy bear village in a place called Perfection Island wouldn't be of Black Ops caliber. 

In a rather lame attempt to inject some variety into the game, you can replay some of the levels with different additional restrictions such as requiring that you scare all of the bears into killing themselves instead of killing them yourself, or that you must make it through a level without being seen by the other bears.  You probably don't need me to tell you that taking the killing out of a lame teddy bear killing game makes a terrible game even worse.

The game has a multiplayer mode, but I'm sure that I don't need to go into the gory details of how uninspired and tedious multiplayer play is in the game.  Or that the graphics are rather rudimentary.  Or that this game is worth your money at any price...

In The End, This Game Hath Been Rated: 25%. Charging unsuspecting people money for this game - now that's naughty.  Very naughty indeed.