Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am Review

Yikes. Sometimes a game is so bad that I'm not quite sure where to begin. Perhaps I should start with the disclaimer that I am a big fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and that Master Shake makes my list of all-time favorite cartoon characters. I 'get' ATHF and I want to assure you that the pain inflicted upon me by this game was not due to the fact that I couldn't deal with talking wads of meat or flying French fries. No ATHF fans, I'm sad to say that this is one of the worst games I've played this year.

There is a story in the game, so far as stories go in an episode of ATHF at least. Frylock applies for membership at a golf course and is accepted, which naturally sends Shake into fits of jealousy. However, Frylock can bring two guests with himself to the course and he naturally selects Shake and Meatwad. That's about it for the story, after that Shake plays some golf and is viciously attacked my a rogue's gallery of ATHF enemies between each swing of the club.

The golfing in the game is pretty simplistic. You have a small handful of clubs to choose from and the game uses a three button press swing meter for your shots. You can aim your shot by either moving the left stick left or right or by zooming in on the ball's landing zone and adjusting your aim from there. Unfortunately the zoomed aiming mechanism is basically broken and you spend more time fighting the camera then you do aiming the ball. It doesn't really matter though, since the ball physics are simultaneously rudimentary and wonky. You very quickly learn that it's best to just aim in the general direction of the hole and swing away. Not too surprisingly the swing controls don't work very well either. There's a delay between the time you press the button and the time the game acknowledges this press, so trying to maximize your swing power and hit the ball in the middle of the hit zone is a moot exercise in random timing. Two swings into the game and you'll realize that the golf mechanics don't really matter. Just point yourself in the general direction of the hole and swing away.

After each shot your objective is to reach your ball while fending off attacks from angry trees and other enemies. Each hole has its own enemy to contend with, so on one hole you may be fighting trees and crabs and on the next trees and robotic turkeys. It doesn't matter which enemy you're facing, they all have the same attack - namely run right up to you and try to drain your health by touching you. Your attacks are just as lame; you either control Shake and swing your golf club at the enemies or Frylock and shoot them with laser bolts from your eyes. The control is horrible and the hit detection seemingly random, so as Shake you simply mash the attack button until the enemies have all disappeared. Don't even bother with Frylock; his shots are impossible to aim with any consistency. In yet another lame touch, you can't take your next shot until all of the enemies for the current round have spawned and been killed. On far too many occasions you'll reach your ball thinking that you've cleared out all the enemies only to be informed by the game that some enemies still remain. This means that you'll need to scour the hole for that last enemy or two who has managed to get himself lost.

There are occasional racing sequences involving golf carts, but at this point I don't think I need to describe them in detail. Seriously, so you think that the cart racing in this game would be good, let alone good enough to justify purchasing this game? If you answered yes then I've failed in my task to convey to you how awful this game really is.

The only redeeming quality I can think of is that the game comes with a few episodes of the show on the disk, including one original episode. And yet this game still manages to mess this up. The original episode is not only pretty poor by ATHF standards, the Aqua Teens are nowhere to be seen. All you get is Carl and he's not even in his best form here. You're better off just buying an ATHF DVD if you want to watch episodes at home. At least they don't come with a game.

In The End, This Game Hath Been Rated: 20%. This game will truly make the girlies wanna scream.


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