The Asskickers Review

The Asskickers is a throwback to those quarter-munching side-scrolling brawlers that you used to find in your local pizza joint. There's about as much of a story to The Asskickers as there were in those arcade classics of yesteryear, so let's just say there are a lot of people out there who want to beat you up so you're just going to have to beat them up first.

The game's controls are pretty simple, in addition to the movement keys you use one for attacking and one as an action button, which is fine for an arcade brawler, but what's not so fine is that they aren't implemented all that well. The hit detection for the attack button as well as the action button that you use for things like picking up food to restore your health is off, leaving you far too often swinging at air or didling around for several seconds trying to get a health pick up. Enemies don't seem to have the same trouble, and to make matters worse for you can also perform grapple attacks on you. Once this happens there's no way for you to escape and you�re stuck watching a large chunk of your health bar deteriorate. These issues work together to make The Asskickers a very difficult game, and in the frustrating way not the good way. Even if you had the patience to play a not very enjoyable level over and over again, you're just rewarded with more of the same. And although the background graphics change from one level to the next, the enemies are recycled throughout the game, making the game look as much of a grind as it is to play.

There's a certain allure to playing old-school beat-em-ups, but there's also plenty of options to pick up a downloadable indie game that nails that gameplay. The Asskickers doesn't, so it's not really recommendable.

Final Rating: 20%. Unfortunately The Asskickers doesn't kick much ass.


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