Video Gaming News - May 2004
Calabasas, CA (May 5, 2004) - THQ today announced Destroy All Humans!
for the Xbox and PS2.
From THQ:
Word reached the highest levels of THQ today of a growing alien abduction and
world domination conspiracy tied to a mysterious project ominously titled
"Destroy All Humans!." In collaboration with Pandemic Studios, developer of
"Full Spectrum Warrior," THQ is taking all prudent measures to thwart the
invasion, including providing their unclassified intelligence to local civic
organizations and to the population at large. While teams of top experts are
still decrypting fresh information, THQ's brass has indicated that they believe
the "Destroy All Humans!" onslaught will strike Sony PlayStation2 and Microsoft
Xbox users across the globe in Spring 2005.
"We're in the business of publishing cutting-edge video games, though if you're
at the right place at the right time, you sometimes get a chance to save the
world too," said Peter Dille, Sr. vice president, worldwide marketing, THQ.
"When our teams uncovered this scheme to `Destroy All Humans!', we felt it our
civil duty to crack the conspiracy and save the planet."
Unnamed sources close to Dille have described "Destroy All Humans!" as a program
designed by hideous aliens to unleash an intergalactic arsenal of destructive
weapons and frightening psychic powers to subdue their most feared enemy in the
galaxy - Mankind!
Specialists at Pandemic who have intercepted and deciphered several alien
transmissions claim the invaders are called 'Furons' and that a fierce little
extraterrestrial warrior named 'Cryptosprodium-137' will carry out their first
reconnaissance mission. His mission is to infiltrate our society, control us,
harvest our brain stems and ultimately destroy us all.
"Scary, when you think about it," comments Pandemic President Josh Resnick,
himself a six-time alien abductee. "I mean, if destroying the earth's cities,
abducting its citizens, and probing their minds to discover human weaknesses
were all just some exciting new blast-happy destruction-fest for my Sony
PlayStation2 or Microsoft Xbox, that would be one thing. But there's much more
to it than that. Once they get you, get inside your mind...well, all I'm saying
is, before they take me next time the least they could do is buy me a drink."
Top officials have promised additional details regarding "Destroy All Humans!"
will be available at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, May 12-14 at the Los
Angeles Convention Center. Until then, all citizens of Planet Earth are
encouraged to remain calm and report any suspicious activities to their local
THQ or Pandemic office immediately.
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