The absolute worst part of G.I. Joe's gameplay thankfully doesn't pop up that often, but when it does… oh, man. The vehicle segments, which are small, semi-optional distractions in a few of the boring levels, feature the worst vehicle controls I can ever remember playing with. Since I started writing these reviews about three years ago, I complained about Halo 3's Warthog for its strange, imprecise controls and near-weightlessness. Then it got worse with Mass Effect's painful, uncontrollable driving bits. But G.I. Joe's nonsensical, almost (but not quite) context-sensitive controls make past vehicular homicides looks as easy to handle as Mario's Kart. The only positive gleaned from these interludes was the excitement experienced when I got lucky and managed to get the Joes' tank to go – get this – straight. Inexcusable.

The bad gameplay is truly what matters about G.I. Joe, and it remains the main reason why I can't recommend it to anyone under any circumstances. But if you are morbidly curious about the worst aspect of the title, then the graphics would have to be it. If this review were a sitcom, this would be the part where dad sits you down, looks into your eyes and tells you a folksy story to illustrate his moral lesson for you. That lesson? G.I. Joe has the worst graphics seen in a game – on ANY system – in the past five to seven years. Certain PS1 (ONE!) games outperform this one graphically, and with the other visually impressive movie-based games this summer (Wolverine, Transformers, etc.), G.I. Joe looks even worse. And it isn't just the in-game graphics; even the pre-rendered cutscenes are hideous. And while both the PS3 and 360 versions are equally horrible-looking, the PS3 version has the added crutch of constant framerate problems and tons of screen tearing. This wasn't an oversight on the developers' part, a mistake or a rush job; this is just pure laziness and a lack of interest in a quality finished product. Period.

To be fair, yes; at first I was convinced that all the negative press on this game was coming from the haters who demonize everything without online deathmatches and ranking systems, turn-based battles, random encounters, endless yet ultimately worthless downloadable content, millions of sidequests or name recognition in a franchise that has clearly gone south (no games in particular, just a few sad trends that get on my bad side). I was ready to love G.I. Joe as a simple yet fun shooter and heir apparent to the old school blow-everything-up-until-you-find-more-everything-to-blow-up games of my youth. But after just a mission or two, I had to let those hopes go and admit it – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra The Video Game is just plain awful. Whatever you do, though, don't let me stop you from seeing the movie. You'll love it.

In The End, This Game Hath Been Rated: 32%.

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