By Jason Nimer
There isn't a ton of stuff that all gamers can agree upon. Guitar Hero? Rock
Band? Sony? Microsoft? Nintendo? If I were paid by the word, I could literally
go on for 25 more pages listing all the stuff that gamers have bickered over for
the past 25-30 years or so. One universal truth, though, is that generally
shooting at stuff is pretty fun. First person, third person… put a weapon in a
gamer's hand and nine times out of ten, he or she will have fun (figuratively of
course; leave the real weapons to the pros, people). With that in mind, it's a
once in a generation occurrence when a game that tasks you with shooting at
stuff isn't AT LEAST a little fun. Activision's new 360 paintball showcase, NPPL
Championship Paintball 2009, isn't that game - there is a little fun that could
be squeezed from this title - but unless things really go south, this could be
the least fun first person shooter this generation.
If you think about it, paintball is a rather silly sport anyway. Something
about taking warfare, making it non-lethal and draping pastels and bright colors
everywhere never really sat well with me, even after a few trips to the
paintball range with friends. As weird as it feels in real life, it feels even
more bizarre in videogame form. Since paintball is a simulation, and videogames
are also "simulations," a paintball game feels like a simulation of a
simulation; kind of like reading an X-Men comic book that is based on a film
that was based on a comic in the first place. Do you follow me? I hope so.
If you can set that feeling aside, you'll find a pretty average shooter in
this game. Just like every other first person shooter, you'll control an unseen
protagonist, with only your weapon visible on-screen. But unlike nearly every
other shooter, you don't have a story to follow, a "bad guy" to engage or
anything to push you forward, aside from maxing out your character's (and
team's) stats so you can be an even more effective "killer" in this pointless
"battle." And the fact that all the arenas end up looking like high-end mini
golf courses doesn't exactly heighten the tension, either.
There are a few things in this game that I thought were pretty neat, so
playing wasn't a total wash. Being able to upgrade your gear, guns and team is
an interesting feature, but once you realize that even with the best or worst
gear, the game plays exactly the same, you'll tire of the career mode's
tournaments and the push toward upgrades. And shooting the same nameless,
faceless foes loses even more appeal when you come to the realization that no
one can hit while you're running. That's right; sprint or sidestep and you
instantly become invisible, way too fast to hit, or both to the opposing team.
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