Allow me to explain: Our staff interviewer, Mr. David Fingerhut, who was scheduled to conduct this interview, has been reported missing. His rental car was found abandoned out on US Highway 70 in New Mexico. The police found several empty bottles of English Leather aftershave, a goat-castrating device, and a booklet of coupons for Carl’s Jr.; but curiously no sign of Mr. Fingerhut.
Where’s David?

Well I just got through explaining that, you see? He’s been reported missing so nobody knows where he is.
Are you David?

No. My name is Garland.
Where’s David?

Now it says here that you are a cheerleader. You know, cheerleading has a fascinating history. Historians credit its invention to one Thomas Peebles in 1884. Coincidentally, he was a Princeton man, like myself.
What’s a Princeton?

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