Programs! Can't tell who's on which side without a program!

The action-RPG part of Once Upon a Knight fares about as well as the RTS part. There’s not a lot of depth to it - the action is repetitive and the RPG aspect minimalist. There’s a lot of walking around maze-like maps to collect some item or kill some enemy, and from the level designs it’s obvious that the game was designed as an RTS first and that the RPG side was fashioned afterwards. Sure, your character now has an inventory and can gain skill with levels, but you’re still basically controlling an RTS uber-unit with click to move and click to kill commands. I suppose the RPG element also comes into play with the ability (and need) to constantly quaff health potions during battles. Making matters worse is the fact that the early stages of the RPG campaign are not well-balanced. Expect to reload a lot of saved games early on as you are constantly mauled to death by wolves and their ilk.

The game’s split personality also manifests itself in its presentation. The game makes constant attempts at humor that almost entirely fall flat and it can’t seem to decide if it wants to be serious or a farce. On the one hand you have knights and archer units, and on the other hand there are mother-in-law and cow units. In addition, it often doesn’t bother to do anything to actually make these odd touches funny. It’s as if the fact that there are mother-in-laws and cows in the game is supposed to keep you in stitches the whole time even though they don’t actually do anything that’s funny. I’m surprised that they didn’t throw in a rubber chicken unit. Imagine that the game’s humor was designed by Fozzie Bear, an unfunny Fozzie Bear, and you’ll get the idea.

Perhaps if the game actually were funny it could be recommended as a spoof of serious games, but that’s just not the case. You get a basic and bland RPG combined with a basic and bland RTS game, and that’s about it. Take two mediocre games and combine them into one and you’re still left with a mediocre game.

In The End, This Game Hath Been Rated: 45%.  Recommended only for those who can’t get enough of cows and mother-in-laws.

System Requirements:  Pentium III 750; 128 MB RAM;  32 MB Video RAM; 4x CD-ROM;  800 MB Hard Drive Space;  Mouse.

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